By LOUISE REISS-JAMES
Sometimes I want the world to stop! Just Stop!
It doesn’t matter how ‘spiritual’ or how far along my journey of experience I am, there are days where it gets to be Too Much! Have you had those days?
It’s at these times that I find it the hardest to hear my inner voice; it’s as if it has got up and left me on my own to figure out what the heck is happening around and within me. These moments are NOT ‘dark nights’ of the soul, just everyday moments that occur without notice. A wrong word spoken here by someone that triggers me, or a misunderstanding there.
Which gets my brain into over-drive and creates a story in a nanosecond about who is right/wrong and indifferent. Then without pausing, I get into the story. My day is taken up with imagined or perceived conversations and the built-up angst and tension sitting in my physical body. All due to what my processing thought patterns, built over years of being taught to react instead of respond. It’s as if someone, somewhere flicked a switch and I became the worst version of me.
Now I know, I am probably alone in this, but I’d like to share from my heart how this affects not only me but my family. Believe me; this is not going to be a ‘poor is me,’ story or a ‘aren’t I great’ story. I genuinely hope that by sharing this, I can help one person see how to overcome.
These days, the shifts and changes I am going through seem to be more frequent in presenting, recently than before.
I am not sure what has triggered the onslaught, for that is what it feels within me as if I am at war with myself.
The only thing that I can look at that may have helped the uncovering of all this surface magma that is floating around me energetically, emotionally and mentally is that I have moved country. We’ve been renting a two-room cottage where it was impossible to find space to just breath and take space. Even for a moment of mediation or to just be.
Then we have bought a house and moved again, with our cat, and started all over again. That’s the Physical Stuff.
The Emotional Stuff is that I have for four months been working through issues. We have, as many of you may know in the Workers of Light Community, been having energy shift after energy shift recently and they have not always been ‘easy riding.’
These, combined with my intent to release from old patterns and actually using the tools we use as well as getting help from someone else, have uncovered and unwrapped a proverbial Pandora’s Box.
My sensitivity levels are heightened; you know what that means, right? If someone says something that is just slightly off, I take it personally! Even if it what was said wasn’t meant to be personal or even about me. Then I have been aware that that old dark mantle of depression has been hanging around, turning even the brightest days into the most depressive and unpleasant days.
So why am I sharing this deep and personal experience with you? I think it is because I feel, if I am going through these dark, emotional and brain fog days, maybe there are others out there experiencing the same.
“ What I have found is that I can only change issues, thoughts, patterns, behaviours etc. that are in me.”
So, how am I getting through? What am I doing that may help my fellow humans that are treading the quagmire of experience that I seem to be walking?
My desire is to let you know that it will be ok.
I say this only due to the fact that every day recently I have started to do something different and it seems to help.
I found something which some of you may already know, called the Serenity Prayer. Now I don’t say the whole thing as it doesn’t all resonate with me, BUT the first part does, and I’d like to share it.
Again, if any of you know me – you’ll appreciate that I don’t lean to the religious ways so just bear with me as I walk you through this.
The prayer goes like this:
God grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.
When I first found it, I was like…you have got to be kidding! Give my power away.. and then I realised that God could be Universe, I talk to the Universe. God could also be my Higher Power! I began to replace the meaning of God with what felt right to me and then I relooked at the words.
The words had power! Serenity did not mean powerless – it means peace. I began to ask for peace in my life, peace to accept that there are times when I cannot change things. I cannot change people, or places or even situations I find myself in.
I began to ask for Grace, which basically means to have smoothness in movement, goodwill and courteous behaviour. So I asked for that. When interacting with people, family or other, I would be gracious, smooth (not sharp and jagged in my responses)
Then I began to ask for real Wisdom, the wisdom that would help me see where my playground is and where my playground is not. In doing this, I would be able to see and realise what I can and cannot change. What I have found is that I can only change issues, thoughts, patterns, behaviours etc. that are in me.
The above may sound like a regurgitation of things I or others have spoken about, but if you, like me were to look at the areas that trigger you, honestly, what would you find?
It is only in the day to day journaling and daily choosing to read literature that assists my growth. That challenges me to think differently about others as well as myself and allow the change to happen, that I begin to see light at the end.
Every day is the now moment. Once it ends, that day and everything in it no longer exists. If it does it only lives in my (your) memory, and that is where the changes to events happen..our memories only reflect what we think happened, what we want to see or hear. I say this because if you ask the other person in that event, they will have a completely different perspective.
This knowledge helps me understand that if I have a problem with a memory, an event that happened, it’s my problem – not the other person’s. This is where the Serenity Prayer comes into action. How do I want to process this memory? Do I want to become triggered, or do I want to observe and respond into healing?
Using the tools given to me to unwrap and peel back the old patterns, old tired and worn out beliefs about myself, I have started to look at the naked truth of who I really am. Believe me it is not always pleasant!
When I take off the clothes of pretence, of make-believe and what I want others to see, and look at who I am I begin to see a person, child, woman, young adult who is confused, lost, angry, longing to be loved and trying to find her way in a world that no longer makes sense. All this is my inner self, the hidden part that affects the individual called Louise.
Herein lies the quandary, if I am this confused and mixed up, how can I be of service to humanity? This puzzle I find has been my access to the maze that traps many others. I have found the way out in some area’s of life and am continually working on the other areas. This does not make me a better person it makes me a person who is aware that I am capable of spinning a story to suit myself or being transparent, and the choice is always in my power.
Some days are dark, others are fun and light and full of potential, though when I look at them as the Observer and not the Victim of life, I see that they are all full of potential to be fun, light and creative.
My brain only follows my input! It only does what I programme it to do…
Funny that!
Our education system tells us that our mind is this powerful ‘thing’ that controls our actions, choices and decisions, but the truth is we control our brain. I have discovered if I drop into my heart-space and ask from the cosmically connected part of myself if my choice, decision, action will have consequences that will ricochet off with random results I tend to lean to the more positive response. My mind then follows that choice.
After a time, my mind begins to go to the right response automatically. Without much work on my side. It again boils down to the saying that Cifehtr gave me years ago, and has taught others when they are willing to listen.
What you say, you hear
What you hear, you think upon
What you think upon, you begin to believe
What you believe, you speak
What you speak, you hear
What you hear, you think upon
What you think upon you being to trust
What you begin to trust, you believe
What you believe, you speak.
It is a little tongue-twisting to read and get your mind around, but when you realise that it all comes down to what you allow yourself to hear and then keep in your heart, makes a significant impact on what you want to allow into your energy/mind/heart.
When I add that saying from Cifehtr to the Serenity Prayer, it begins to gives me hope, hope that I can and am changing the inner patterns.
Does it happen overnight? NO! In a week? NO! A year? Maybe but I don’t want to put a time on change and growth.
It happens when it happens. Each one of us is different, with unique areas of pain and joy, and we are all on our journey of discovery of self.
The Ascended Masters that work with me keep reminding me that change is ongoing and as long as I keep allowing the exchange of patterns and allowing the flow of the Universe to work through me, I am on the path to change.
The changes I have been activating in my life, do not and will not distract me from my purpose in life. That is to grow and continue to grow to be a clear and transparent vessel for the Universe to use when required for channelled messages, energy healing, or whatever is necessary at the moment.
My purpose, the reason for being here on this planet at this time is to be a vessel of service. I know that all my past events and trauma, the pains and the joys, the ups the downs EVERYTHING that I am releasing and learning from are to bring me to the place of deep connection, trust, openness to the Universal Power.
By allowing myself to go through the gauntlet, and letting the Universe use the people in my life show me the areas that require change, gives me more growth and therefore, more inner strength.
These Energy Shifts that have passed through our planetary zone and are still coming will bring more changes for all of us to observe. My deepest desire is not to run from them but to run into them. To welcome the growing pains, to look at the triggers and to give myself permission to grow, release and step up.
I want to step up into my calling and my purpose. My wish is that all who read this are encouraged to allow the change to happen in their lives as well. To be in a place where when things do go topsy-turvey instead of running or giving up/pretending that nothing is happening, they lean into the shift of change and allow the wind of the Universe to blow through them.
If my life, no matter how slight, can assist others in growing to their full potential, I am grateful.
Louise.